Chapter 20
Author: Mr. Big Horn
Everyone’s patience has its limits.
If he stayed any longer, Yan Zhen, known for his rational restraint, feared he would unleash the bloodthirsty, dark, and cruel parts of his nature.
Su Jinxin remained silent and still throughout the whole ordeal, as if turned to stone.
Yan Zhen carried him to the car, buckled him in, and once they arrived, carried him out again.
The villa was far, but Yan Zhen’s apartment near his office was close. Even though it was a high-end apartment, the elevator was shared. Yan Zhen took out a spare coat from the car, wrapped Su Jinxin tightly in it, and pressed his head against his chest as they walked to the elevator. Every muscle in Yan Zhen’s body was tense with vigilance, and his mind was filled with primitive, brutal images, his expression turning menacing and threatening, like a beast whose territory had been violated.
Fortunately, it was work hours, so they didn’t encounter anyone. At least they maintained the appearance of civilized people.
As soon as they entered the apartment, Yan Zhen shoved Su Jinxin into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and ordered, “Wash it off.”
Then he turned his back to undress.
He tossed his paint-stained suit jacket into a corner, and the buttons of his shirt popped off and scattered across the floor. Yan Zhen braced himself against the cold bathroom wall, taking deep breaths to calm down.
He didn’t dare stray too far, afraid he would go mad without Su Jinxin nearby. But he also didn’t dare turn around; seeing another man’s marks on Su Jinxin was more than he could handle. The reality hit him harder than he had ever imagined, far beyond his usual mental resilience. He feared that one more look would drive him to tear Shi Lei’s head off with his bare hands.
Before long, the steam from the hot water filled the bathroom, softening Yan Zhen’s turbulent emotions.
The suffocating feeling was less pressing.
He took a deep breath, steeled himself, and turned around:
The shower was efficient. In no time, it had mostly washed the paint off Su Jinxin’s upper body, leaving only some stains on his lower half and a floor covered in dirty water. Su Jinxin stood in the mess, vacant and motionless, his large round eyes staring blankly, looking like a spirit born from filth or a soulless puppet.
Yan Zhen’s heart ached instantly.
Guilt and regret surged over him like a tidal wave.
He hurried forward.
Su Jinxin flinched under his shadow but didn’t dare retreat.
Yan Zhen easily pulled him into his arms, kissing his furrowed brow: “Did I scare you?”
Su Jinxin trembled again, remaining silent.
Yan Zhen held his waist, gently soothing his trembling back, softly kissing his fluttering eyelashes: “I was too impulsive. I’m sorry. Don’t be afraid. Jinxin? My dear?”
After warming up in Yan Zhen’s arms for a while, Su Jinxin finally snapped out of it. Hearing Yan Zhen’s self-reproach, his first instinctive reaction was to say, “It’s not like that… It’s my fault…”
Yan Zhen’s heart twinged. Unable to find the right words, he gently kissed away Su Jinxin’s unwarranted self-blame: “Jinxin, you did nothing wrong.”
The problem was with himself.
Yan Zhen knew this. Taking someone away like that was domineering and rude.
It was disrespectful to Su Jinxin, to Qiao Yizhi, and even to Shi Lei.
In hindsight, Su Jinxin had just been creating art. At school, he had modeled for others, both clothed and nude, in paintings and photographs, some of which were quite powerful—after all, Su Jinxin’s body was highly expressive and often resulted in above-average works. Yan Zhen had seen these, some shown to him by Su Jinxin, others he found through other means. He had never felt anything negative about them.
This was Su Jinxin’s profession, a demanding and strenuous job. Yan Zhen respected that, never viewing it through a prejudiced lens.
But this time, he had lost control.
The fact that Shi Lei was Su Jinxin’s longtime boyfriend and that their works were remarkable, even to Yan Zhen, who was used to seven-figure art pieces, made it all the more frustrating. It was the first time he felt his territory being threatened.
Perhaps it wasn’t even his territory to begin with.
Unfamiliar, dark thoughts kept surfacing in his mind, like the idea that Su Jinxin’s attention to his body might be for Shi Lei’s sake rather than his own complaints about weight. These thoughts were maddening and too painful to dwell on.
They weighed heavily on his heart.
Even breathing felt difficult.
Yan Zhen realized he might not be as composed and magnanimous as he thought; he just hadn’t encountered anything that truly tested him.
And he had no intention of pretending to be calm and tolerant anymore.
So, when Su Jinxin finally gathered the courage to look up, he saw Yan Zhen’s dark, brooding face and immediately tensed.
Yan Zhen guessed Su Jinxin was about to apologize again, so he pulled him close and kissed him deeply, silencing him: “Shh, don’t speak. I know what you want to say. It’s really not your fault. It’s my problem—but I can’t change it now, and I don’t want to in the future. Can you bear with me, my dear?”
Su Jinxin’s eyes were still a bit dazed, not quite catching up with the pace, but he instinctively nodded: “Yes, okay.”
So obedient.
He even pushed his tongue back into Yan Zhen’s mouth for another kiss.
Soon, he melted like sugar, leaning against the wall, lifting a leg to hook around Yan Zhen’s waist, spreading his legs in a gesture of invitation.
Yan Zhen paused.
He grasped Su Jinxin’s ankle and lowered his leg—Su Jinxin was clearly not in the best state, and Yan Zhen himself wasn’t in the right frame of mind… If he lost control now, it would likely result in days of medical care.
Su Jinxin hadn’t expected the refusal, hesitated for a moment, then lowered his leg, blinking in confusion: “Aren’t we doing it?”