Chapter 25
Author: Mr. Big Horn
Because of Yan Zhen, Su Jinxin learned gourmet cooking, massage techniques, a bit of French and Russian, how to perform enemas and dilations on himself… and many other things he had never thought about before.
He might have resisted the erosion of decadence.
But what good did it do?
Yan Zhen himself was far more terrifying than all the world’s indulgences combined—his gentle, deep voice, his restrained or teasing words, the warm breath behind Su Jinxin’s ear, the careful yet unyielding touches, the marks left on his skin, the hard and hot presence deep inside him… had all already seeped into his pores, melted into his muscles and blood, branded into his bone marrow.
He no longer belonged to himself.
Su Jinxin let out a long sigh. His eyes burned, but he still couldn’t cry.
He thought of “The Fisherman and the Golden Fish,” the fisherman’s wife sitting by her broken wooden basin, unable to cry.
How similar it was.
He was always insatiably greedy, yearning for things beyond his reach—without talent, he hoped to get close to genius by supporting Shi Lei; lacking money, he hoped to gain wealth by pleasing Yan Zhen.
In truth, there are no shortcuts to instant success in this world.
Only fleeting luck.
And permanent punishment.
—In the end, he was back to where he started, empty-handed and with nothing.
Oh, except for his memories.
Was that a blessing or a curse?
Nearly four years seemed both endlessly long and as brief as a blink of an eye. He experienced a love that would never truly begin. He learned a universal truth:
In youth, you shouldn’t meet someone too extraordinary.
He was only twenty-two. His soul was already dead.
Destined to spend a long life alone.
Trapped in the sin of greed.
Waiting for his physical body to wither away, taking with it all the unspeakable secrets.
Waiting for true death to grant him a silent and dark forgiveness.
Su Jinxin never expected to receive a call from Yan Zhen’s butler.
It was Uncle Lin from the villa.
An old family retainer of the Yan family, Su Jinxin had met him on his first day with Yan Zhen and learned the rules from him. Initially a strict and demanding mentor, Su Jinxin later discovered he was a kind and caring elder who treated him like his own grandson. Even when Su Jinxin didn’t go to the villa during holidays, he often received calls from Uncle Lin, reminding him of the weather changes or asking if he had any difficulties.
Su Jinxin thought this call was to inform him about collecting his belongings.
He had left in a hurry, leaving behind clothes, daily necessities, and some sketches and drawing books—all featuring Yan Zhen, his best work so far. He had always regretted not taking them, but as someone from the past, it felt inappropriate to ask for them back. He didn’t have the courage to do so.
Unexpectedly, after a brief greeting, Uncle Lin asked, “Mr. Su, did you have a fight with the young master?”
How could Su Jinxin answer that?
He never dared, even for a second, to think he had the right to fight with Yan Zhen.
He had to vaguely deny it. He couldn’t help but ask, “What’s wrong?”
Uncle Lin paused before replying, “The young master has been… in a bad mood lately.”
Su Jinxin felt a pang in his heart, his hand tightening involuntarily. After a moment of silence, he said, “Maybe… he’s busy with work. His company is finalizing a merger deal, isn’t it?”
—Despite not being by Yan Zhen’s side, Su Jinxin still kept up the habit of reading financial news. It was his only way to see Yan Zhen now. Recently, Yan Zhen’s company’s merger deal was making headlines. Even in the cafeteria, he heard classmates discussing it. At times like that, he felt like he had been living in a grand dream.
Uncle Lin didn’t confirm or deny this.
After asking Su Jinxin a few more questions about his life, he hesitated before hanging up.
Su Jinxin stared at the dark screen of his phone for a long time. He kept thinking about the scratches on Yan Zhen’s arm. He worried that the people around Yan Zhen now might not be so considerate—then he reminded himself he had no right to worry.
It had only been a week since their separation. Su Jinxin frequently dreamed of Yan Zhen, waking up startled almost every night.
Sometimes the dreams were sad, sometimes erotic.
—The latter were more frequent.
They were so vivid that Su Jinxin felt both embarrassed and astonished by his own memories.
There was also a bit of secret joy—after all, being able to see Yan Zhen, even if only in dreams, was still good.
He missed Yan Zhen just as much as before.
But he was not depressed.
He was strong and determined, surprising even himself. Perhaps because deep down, he felt he had no time or space to waste on aimless depression.
Shi Lei’s exhibition had already opened.
It was very well received.